Radical Marxist Professor Sees No Contradiction between his Beliefs and Affluent Lifestyle

Jonathan Bratner, Professor of Sociology at Stultus University, is a Marxist, and he’s not afraid to tell anyone.

“We need to dismantle hierarchies. It’s as simple as that. I am committed to smashing the ruling class, with violence if needed, and distributing all resources equally.”

Professor Bratner holds a Ph.D. in Sociology from Harvard University. His dissertation examined Rose Luxembourg’s theory of underconsumption.

He is active in what he’s calls “the radical left wing of the Democratic party.” Last month he co-hosted a $2,000-a-plate Democratic fundraiser attended by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar. For dessert, the attendees ingested a chocolate ganache cake with edible flakes of 24 carat gold.

“You should see the dress AOC wore to the fundraiser.” He pulled out his iPhone 13 and showed me a photo of her $14,000 Dior dress, emblazoned with the words “Eat the Rich!”

Professor Bratner lives in Washington D.C., where he sends both his children to the $48,000 a year Lab School of Washington.

“It’s a wonderful school, and worth every penny. They teach radical social justice and encourage empathy towards the less fortunate. Both my kids are required to volunteer at a local soup kitchen.”

Professor Bratner, whose $220,000 per year faculty job at Stultus places in him the top 3% of earners nation-wide, is passionate about environmental justice.

“Yeah, I drive a Telsa. So does my wife. We can’t sit back and watch capitalism destroy Mother Earth. Urgent action is needed, today and every day.”

Professor Bratner is a frequent keynote speaker at radical sociology conferences. Every year he flies all over the world, presenting his ideas about how to destroy the hegemony of capitalism.

Last year Professor Bratner was on the Organizing Committee of the International Sociological Congress, which was held in Johannesburg, South Africa.

“It was my idea to hold the Congress in Johannesburg. We wanted to be right in the middle of real poverty so we could incite a revolution.! The conference was held in the Hilton Hotel. “It’s unionized,” he explained.

Unfortunately, several of his fellow sociologists were mugged outside the hotel, so the Organizing Committee had to employ a security detail to accompany attendees when they travelled outside the venue.

Asked whether he saw any contradictions between his radical Marxist beliefs and affluent lifestyle, Professor Bratner was defensive. “Look here, the revolution needs leadership. The proletariat needs me to show them the way to equality. I will not rest until we’ve achieved communism. When I get back from our annual family vacation in Fiji, you’ll find me out on the streets with antifa, protesting against the police and capitalism.”

Professor Andrew R. Timming

This article is published under a Creative Commons 4.0 License.

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