Articles

Radical Marxist Professor Sees No Contradiction between his Beliefs and Affluent Lifestyle

Jonathan Bratner, Professor of Sociology at Stultus University, is a Marxist, and he’s not afraid to tell anyone. “We need to dismantle hierarchies. It’s as simple as that. I am committed to smashing the ruling class, with violence if needed, and distributing all resources equally.” Professor Bratner holds a Ph.D. in Sociology from Harvard University.Continue reading “Radical Marxist Professor Sees No Contradiction between his Beliefs and Affluent Lifestyle”

An Ocean of Emotion

Editor’s Note: This poem was submitted by a brave academic currently facing redundancy. I am very pleased to share it anonymously (in accordance with the poet’s wishes) on #DireEd. An Ocean of Emotion Emotions Like the ocean Roll in Waves come crashing down Pulled below by the undertow Swimming against the riptide At risk ofContinue reading “An Ocean of Emotion”

Trade Union Activist Confused About Why People Don’t Want to Join the Union

A long-time trade union activist at Stultus University, Dr. Allyson Bailor has a lengthy history of standing up for the rights of bullying and harassment victims. She has been a proud member of the National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) for 20 years and, during this timeframe, has personally filed 38 grievances against perpetrators, one ofContinue reading “Trade Union Activist Confused About Why People Don’t Want to Join the Union”

Opponent of University Rankings Ranks the Top Five Reasons Why Rankings Should be Opposed At All Costs

University rankings are increasingly used by potential students and academics, all of whom (let’s face it) would rank universities in order of preference regardless of the existence of these university rankings. Professor Alisa Sycamore, a trade union activist at Stultus University, has leveled a devastating and logically unassailable critique against the use of university rankings,Continue reading “Opponent of University Rankings Ranks the Top Five Reasons Why Rankings Should be Opposed At All Costs”

New Academic Journal Is So Exclusive It Boasts a 0% Acceptance Rate

A new academic journal, the American Scientific Research Review, has attracted over 117,000 manuscript submissions in its first three months, since launching in June of 2021. The aim of the new journal is to become the most exclusive outlet for cutting-edge research in the world. Professor Aldous Wentworth, the Editor-in-Chief of the American Scientific ResearchContinue reading “New Academic Journal Is So Exclusive It Boasts a 0% Acceptance Rate”

University Puts Nobel Prize Winner on Performance Improvement Plan, Threatens Him with Termination

Alexander Clearwater, Professor of Behavioral Economics at Stultus University, based in Hemel Hempstead, England, is reported to have been placed on a performance improvement plan (PIP) by the Dean of Economics. Professor Clearwater holds a Ph.D. in Economics from Cambridge University and has taught Economic Sciences at Stultus University since he joined as a LecturerContinue reading “University Puts Nobel Prize Winner on Performance Improvement Plan, Threatens Him with Termination”

Reviewer 2 Arrested for Harassment, Mail Fraud

The Federal Bureau of Investigation today announced that Reviewer 2 has been arrested and is in custody. According to Special Agent Penny Smith, the arrest was bittersweet. “We were initially looking for Anonymous, you know, the computer hacker collective. We thought we tracked them down to a leafy suburb just east of St Paul, Minnesota.Continue reading “Reviewer 2 Arrested for Harassment, Mail Fraud”

University HR Investigates Itself, Finds Itself Innocent

Bullying and harassment are endemic to higher education. Fortunately, victims can turn to an objective human resources department to have perpetrators investigated fairly and in line with the principle of natural justice. Louisa Carter, an HR Business Partner at Malum University, takes pride in holding bullies accountable for their actions. “We at Malum University haveContinue reading “University HR Investigates Itself, Finds Itself Innocent”

University President Acquires Nuclear Weapons

University administrators across the world are losing patience with insubordinate and disobedient faculty. A recent report from the Institute of University Affairs illustrates the extent of the problem nationwide. A record high 92 percent of full-time university faculty either Agree or Strongly Agree with the statement, “I don’t give a f^*k about what my PresidentContinue reading “University President Acquires Nuclear Weapons”

Professor Struggles to Find New Ways to Flatter Reviewers

Dr. Dirk Johnson, Professor of Sociology at a regional university in the Midwest of the United States, reports that he’s really struggling to come up with new and innovative ways to flatter reviewers in his author’s note. “I mean, let’s face it. Reviewers only care about one thing: leveraging power in the peer review process.Continue reading “Professor Struggles to Find New Ways to Flatter Reviewers”

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